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Clients from Hell

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My family comes to me to always do their graphic design, wanting impossible deadlines (“I need this...

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My family comes to me to always do their graphic design, wanting impossible deadlines (“I need this done tonight!” they’ll say at 9 PM), and everything free of charge. I’ve estimated that I’ve done at least $3000 to $4000 worth of projects for them, ranging from logos, websites, photo editing, videos, illustrations and even murals! Just literally anything they happen to think up. The cherry on top though happened a few months ago. 

Mother: The neighbors wanted me to ask you to edit their family photos.

Me: Okay.

I usually have to grudgingly accept unless I want to be guilted relentlessly. I do as much editing and cleaning as I have time to spare, and the images all turn out pretty good, though some have to just be scrapped because the photographer took crappy images. I send them back, and they thank me. Cool beans. And just note, I did this free of charge. Then a month later my mom comes back to me.

Mother: You know those pictures you edited for the neighbor? They needed you to fix this one asap.

She gives me one of the crappy images. Like the camera was totally out of focus, there was a horrible lens flare, and it looked like a cloud of dust motes had been filling the field of view making everyone in the picture nearly disappear. 

Me: There’s really nothing that can be done about that picture.

Mother: Well can’t you make it clearer?

Me: No, the camera that took it was out of focus.

Mother: Yes you can, just change the DPI to a higher number.

Me: It’s already at 600 DPI. That wouldn’t do anything to make the image clearer. There was clearly something in front of the lens too.

Mother: Can’t you just Photoshop everyone in from the other images?

Me: I could, but then they’d be sitting on a blurry white background.

Mother: No, the background needs to be fixed too.

Me: Did the photographer take a picture of just the scenery for me to paste the people on to?

Mother: No.

Me: Then there is really nothing I can feasibly do to make this work.

Mother: You are just being difficult! I know you can fix this and you just don’t want to.

Me: No, no one could work this out to look halfway decent without the reshooting the image.

My mother goes silent at this point, and to get her off my back, I just make like 5 iterations of everything she asked me to do that I possibly could, including changing the DPI, cutting and pasting crap together, and I send it to her. Then my sister decides to get involved.

Sister: You are such a brat! Mom just asked you for a little help and you won’t do anything.

Anyone know how to start the legal proceedings for divorcing your family?

Source: Clients from Hell

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