I love working on this website no doubt about that BUT... it's lonely work
I miss my old job, having colleagues around me all the time, being part of a IRL community and the ups and down it entails.
I've been working to make this website a success for the last 3 years and I succeeded but it comes at a cost I see now, I missed out on that precious human interaction that comes with having a real life job, and now I'm starving for human interaction.
Teamspeak, Chat and all the other are good substitutes for life but it's just not enough, so I have have decided I had enough, I will start looking for a real job now with real coworkers and talks around the watercooler, if I don't do it now I'm afraid the absence from IRL will make it impossible to return to being a whole human and my depression might return with a vengeance, the first signs are already showing and I'm scared to be honest, NO FUKIN WAY i'll drive myself into homelessness again.
Today I beat my fear of exposure and sent a picture of myself as part of a job application, it was hard I must admit, my paranoid was kicking me all the time while taking the pictures and importing them into my pc.
I have to do this I'm aware to get some colleagues and try claw my way back to normalcy and enjoy life again, I can no longer hide behind my keyboard and pretend its real life despite how comfy it might be.
Gonna start again slowly, found a decent job close to my home where I don't have to show my flawed self to too many people on the commute and it's something I love doing, I would be helping people get the right computer for their needs just like old time when I worked in custom pc manufacturing but this time I would have a lot more public interaction, which will be good to test my own limits in regards to public exposure.
I might fail hard and come crawling back asap, but at least I will give it a try now, and get a feel for how bad my paranoia has become.
Wish me luck!