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Clients from Hell

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I was contacted by a client to write a script. I think CFH readers will enjoy it. This is their...

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I was contacted by a client to write a script. I think CFH readers will enjoy it. This is their email, verbatim (typos included):  

Client: I am a Choreographer currently creating a new Dance work. I am looking for somebody who can write a script that will form the soundscape to the dance piece. The work is about people’s relationships towards being ‘healthy.’ 

I want the audience to feel very grounded, well connected and basically like they don’t care, because the script will have raised that many concerns, worries that the audience will feel fully cleansed.

The speech needs to make the characters seem real and needs to heavily express thoughts and emotions, inner dialogue and what is going on in the subconscious mind. I want it to be personal, relate-able and informal.

I would like key phrases / words to be repeated / emphasised so that I can draw on this as a basis of movement. For example “… This is why I have to work work, to get fit so that I can be Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect” or “… Fat people are horrible, shit, evil people“. I’d the script to have an element of humour and lightheartedness.

(Emphasis added)

Against my better judgement, I reached out if only to maybe guide them away from this awful idea.

Me: Somehow I don’t think the phrase “fat people are horrible, shit, evil people” quite captures the “element of humor and lightheartedness” you are looking for.

Their response (again typos included): 

Client: As I Choreographer, one thing I have learnt is that the intention behind doing something counts for hugely. If you are not creative then you’ll never understand, this maybe your problem so our we were obviously not meant to work together. On the other hand you may be offended because I have touched a nerve?

Me: One thing you’re right about is that we will not be working together on this.

Source: Clients from Hell

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